Saying Anything
by Josie Gibbons
Summary: Bit from the POV of one of Hermione's Muggle friends. Songfic to Say Anything by Good Charlotte


This is something from one of Hermione's friends POV. He's a Muggle and doesn't understand why Hermione won't talk to him since she went off to boarding school. Another song fic, based on 'Say Anything' By Good Charlotte from the album 'The Young And The Hopeless'. Set during Hermione's second year at Hogwarts. Just for the record…I've pretty much channelled my own thoughts and what I'd love to say to one of my 'friends' into this. But I haven't been able to say it, so I'm writing it all down. Names used are not intentional references to any one person, anyone who knows me reasonably well will know who this is directed at and the name I used is nothing to do with it. 

DISCLAIMER: I don't own Harry Potter.

As always this is for Matty, and as always it's from Sam.

SAYING ANYTHING

Here I am on the phone again and… 

All I think is why? Why am I bothering with you? Is there really any point. It's not like me calling you will make any difference. You hate me now, have done since you went of to that boarding school. And I don't know why, because you won't talk to me, explain anything. You won't even tell me the name of this place you go to now so I can look it up online. I wish you would, but you won't.

_Awkward silences on the other end._

I can't even get a number for you during the term time, and you don't come home for weekends so I can't see you then. Heck, even during the holidays you seem to be busy with you're new friends, going all over the country to see them when you don't even have time to hang out with me for a few hours. I guess you've made some pretty good friends there. I just wish you'd give me the chance to meet them, the chance to know them, and the chance to be part of your gang again.

_I used to know the sound of a smile in your voice_

We used to be so close Mione, we were best friends. I could always tell if you were in a good mood just by the way you answered the phone or the way you said hello, and you were the same with me. There was nothing I could hide from you, maybe it's my worst feature that. I can't hide things because all my feelings just show through my voice. I wish they didn't. I wish it so bad.

_But right now all I feel Is the pain of the fighting stating up again_

It hurts me when we row, Mione. Hurts me so much. But every time I call you that seems to be all that we do. I call you, you flip out at me, I hang up and go away to cry. You don't understand how it is for me Hermione. Or maybe you do? But I don't think you do, because if you did you wouldn't make me go through this. You were, and still are, my best and only friend. But whenever I ring you to try and make arrangements for us to hang out you're off with me. Like you hate me now. Do you?

_All the things we talk about you know they stay on my mind_

I remember every word of our conversations, dream about them, and keep them close to my heart. They're the only happy things that happen to me, and even they aren't really that happy. You're the only person who wanted to know me and talk about my interests and in the past year since you've gone to that school even you haven't wanted to talk to me. It's breaking me into pieces but I don't mind. At least you'll still share a few pleasant words, and I suppose you _did_ send me a Christmas card. I sent you one back but I didn't know the school address so I sent it to your mum and dads house. I tried e-mailing you too but you don't reply. Have you got anything I've sent you?

_On my mind_

_All the things we laugh about will bring us through it every time_

I know we've not been close for a while now, but I'm sure we will be again. Remember all those jokes we used to have, when we used to look at each other and just burst out laughing and no-body could realise why. Or when we'd look out the window and see the rain and just start laughing. No-body could understand what that was about, but then I suppose it was because half of them were going to have to train in that rain when we got out of school. That was what we found so funny. So Hermione, next time you get a chance and it's raining, look out the window at the rain and think of me. And then, just maybe, you'll remember all the fun we used to have and pick up the phone to give me a call.

_After time After time_

Time keeps ticking on Hermione and the longer I go without hearing from you the more it hurts. But it's starting to be a bit numb now. I don't feel the hours and weeks apart as much as I did at first, when you first went away and we stopped talking every day. I didn't even know you were going until a week before you had to leave, and when we knew you were going we spent every possible minute together, just being together and hanging out. Being close to each other in that way that only best friends can.

_Don't say a word, I know you feel the same Just give me a sign_

I don't expect a reply to this, because I don't know, I just don't. We haven't really spoken in a year so why would you make the effort to see me now. But somehow I know you feel the same way as I do, somehow I know you miss me like I miss you. Well, maybe not as much, but we used to be each others only friends and as far as I can see that type of friendship is there to stay, no matter how long we might be apart. Just remember that I'm here for you. I'd love it if I heard from you but I don't mind if I don't. But you are still my friend, and I hope I'm still yours.

_Say anything Say anything._

_Some say that time changes. Best friends can become strangers._

You remember that song we used to always sing. The one with the basic message that was how time changed things but friends will always be together? I've been thinking about that song a lot recently, and how it sounds like us now. They say that time changes friendships, but even though I can see ours is going like that I don't want it too. Our friendship meant so much to me, and now I'm sitting here watching it disintegrate. It hurts Hermione, hurts real bad to see how you treat me like a stranger or someone you hardly know even though we were so close for so long.

_But I don't want that, no not for you_

But even though I'd do most things for you, I won't do that. I won't let our friendship become nothing and all the memories of our fun together fade into oblivion. Because that's not the type of person I am, I'm the type of person who keeps memories and likes to keep friends too. You've known me for long enough to know that about me. We've been friends for what, thirteen years, and neither of us are even fourteen yet. And that friendship, that friendship? That's the only thing I'd never give up for anyone, even for you.

_If you just stay with me we could make it through._

I'm sure if you wrote to me or rang me once in a while our friendship could survive. I don't know why I'm sure, I just am. Me and you, we're supposed to be friends. Its one of the few things I really believe in, like, really, really believe in. Religion is a lie and so is love, life taught me that, but friendship is real. Heck, at that level the love between two friends is real, but lusty love is proven to be a lie. Or its' been a lie to me anyway. It was real, I thought it was as anyway. But then things started to go to crap. I haven't seen you in so long, I don't even know if you knew about my brother dying, or if you do know then if you care.

_So here we are again same old argument_

This is the same argument, same as it always is. And sometimes I just think why, but it's something I have no control over. I might call you with no intention of having a row but then we do, and I can't stop it. Because even though its me who calls you its you who decides to row with me, to have a go at me or to be off with me. And I can't stand it when you're in a bad mood with me, because I never understand why. I don't think you call your mates, because otherwise you would have mentioned them as an excuse to get off the phone, but you really love them all. I just wish you loved me that much.

_Now I am wondering if things will ever change_

It's been so long since we had a proper conversation, just hung out and chatted like real mates, and now I'm just thinking. Is it really ever going to be any different? Are we ever going to get on okay again, every be close like we used to be. I hope we will some time but I doubt it a lot. Best friends we were, but it feels like the friendship that meant so much for me was unimportant to you.

_When will you laugh again._

I just want to know when we'll have a joke again, when it'll be us two laughing about and play-fighting and having fun. I don't know, maybe that'll never happen, but it's a dream I'll always keep. Because that's what friends are for, forgiving and staying and sticking together when things get rough or hard.

_Laugh like you did back when_

Do you remember though, all the fun we used to have? All the fights and the playing and the singing. Just hanging out and being ourselves together. Those are the happy memories, the ones that I love. And hey, maybe in a few years we'll meet up again and they'll be more than memories. Maybe when we both finish school we'll be friends again.

_We'd make noise till 3.00 a.m._

I don't even know what music you're into anymore. My taste has changed like hell since I started at secondary school, and I don't know if you're into the same stuff as me. For all I know you could have totally different taste. You could even not know about some of the bands that are so important in my life now. God, that's a scary thought, that us two could become so different in such a short amount of time. But I suppose it's possible, everything's possible. Even us loosing our friendship, which the more I write the more I can see as being true.

_And the neighbours would complain._

We used to wind so many people up with our taste in music and the way we used to play it so loud, or when we'd run around the estate half naked at two in the morning just to see what they'd say. Like that time when you stayed at mine and I literally just spent the whole week-end screaming and running around the place with you! Those are the happy memories, the ones that I think back on the most when I'm down. The ones that make me smile and want to cry all at once.

All the things we talk about you know they stay on my mind 

_On my mind_

_All the things we laugh about will bring us through it every time_

_After time after time_

_Don't say a word, I know you feel the same. Just give me a sign._

_Say anything. Say anything._

_Please don't walk away, I know you wanna stay._

Please don't leave me now Mione, I know you want to stay with me really. It's part of your personality, and one of the bits I love most. I know that you really do care about me, but sometimes I just find it hard to see that. Who knows, maybe you're thinking about me now the same as I'm thinking about you.

_If you just give me a sign._

I don't mind if you don't want us to be friends, but just let me know either way. I need to know the truth about our friendship and whether it means anything, because it's this not knowing that's destroying me, hurting me more than anything else in the world. Causing me so much pain and suffering. Making me want to die

_Say anything, say anything. _

_I'm falling. I'm falling. I'm falling down_

Alex, I'm sorry. I never realised you felt like that, never realised how much I've hurt you. I've been so busy, so busy, I didn't realise you missed me so much. I've been falling down a steep hill of no return these past few weeks, months. Hell, it's even been a year. It was since I came to Hogwarts, it's ruined me. Because for the first time in my life I've found a work load hard, I've been struggling to keep to the top of the class. I've been having a total break-down this year; my friend was nearly killed. I just feel like I'm falling with no way back, and yet it's my old friends, the ones I care about most, that are suffering. I didn't forget about you, I just didn't realise how much I cared for you until I got your letter. And then it just made everything make sense, all the pain I'm feeling and how much I've been suffering since I came here. It made me realise that I might be different now (can you believe it, that odd stuff I do is actually _magic_) but inside I'm still the same person, and inside I still need the same people. Yea, I've got new friends, but I'd love to introduce you to them some time. Can you believe it, I've actually got two new friends. They might be my best friends here but they'll never take your place. Never. Because friends, however far apart they may fall, are always forever. It was you who told me that, told me that friends are forever, but I never understood what you meant until I got your letter. So I'm writing back to you, straight away, to say that you're still my friend and I'm sorry I've been being snobbish. I guess I was just afraid of you judging me because of what I am and how much I've changed but I know you won't now, I know it won't bother you to know about me being a witch. And anyway, I'll see you the day I start my Easter holidays too, even if you're at school. I'll come up and take over your house and be waiting for you when you get back! Because friends are forever Alex, and you're my friend. My best friend. Tie your reply to the leg of this owl when you've written it, and he'll find me, I know it's unusual but that's the way we (the _wizarding_ community, funny to think there's hundreds of us) send post.

Thinking about you my oldest and _best_ friend.

Love,

Hermione.

_Don't say a word. I know you wanna stay_

_If you just give me a sign._

_Say anything_

_Say anything_

_Please don't leave._


End file.
